Recite An Enlightened Pledge of Allegiance

Year ago, reciting the pledge of allegiance was a habit.

Like saying, “Bless you,” when somebody sneezed.

Standing for the anthem was a similar gesture.

It’s just what you did whenever the Star Spangled Banner started playing.

This changed as time went by and American values were replaced with depraved, self-centered stupidity.

You’re offended when your personal needs aren’t the primary concern of the rest of the country.

When “the system” doesn’t work to your advantage – it’s “broken”.

In a noble display of dissent, you refuse to remove your hat, place a hand on your heart, look at the flag, or recite a pledge.

That’s lame.

Wouldn’t you rather say something?

Wouldn’t you rather make a scene and be the center of attention?

I can help you out!

I’ve written an alternative Pledge of Allegiance that you can recite to remind the rest of us that you’re better than we are.

Feel free to print this out and carry it with you.

(Memorizing it would be ‘indoctrination’ so I recommend you not do that.)

Woke Pledge of Allegiance

I pledge allegiance to my feelings and to the virtues I imagine they represent.

And to the Republic in which I reside – I reject, denounce and abhor you.

My nation, without God, divided by differences, with liberty for all who concur with me.

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